Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
