I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize