just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
