You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
