my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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