my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
