I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
