im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
