Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want to be your penis for a week.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize