the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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