omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
