Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize