I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
