Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
