theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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