I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
