yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
