We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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