...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize