If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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