I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
