I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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