Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
