If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
