Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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