If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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