I got chris browned last night
You can't motorboat a personality
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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