He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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