Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
