I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This is the high leading the old right now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
