I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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