Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
