Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
