I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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