I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
