So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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