I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize