I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
