There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
