He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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