You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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