Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
