Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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