The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
