Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
