Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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