We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
