We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize