There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize