he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
