He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
