And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
