I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
