omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
