we have officially lost it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
