I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
