If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize