Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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