Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize