you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
