just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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