there's paper in my vomit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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