After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
