What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
