had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I AM VODKA MAN
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
