you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
