she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
