I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
