why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
