Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
