Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
