am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
