Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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