i don't plan on having that self control this summer
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
