My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
