So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
