So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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