I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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