Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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