now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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