perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
