i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
