yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
