I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
