"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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