people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dick has a subreddit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
