you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
