in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
