omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
