Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
