He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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