Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
