Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
