TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
