they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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