Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
