finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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