I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
