One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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