i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
