mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
