I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
