It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
