fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
